My Precious Homegrown Red Kidney Beans

I grew several kidney bean plants in the garden last year as an experiment. They did quite well, and I ended up harvesting 1 ½ quart jars of dried beans. Until now, I haven’t gotten around to soaking them in time to use them for a meal, so they’ve been waiting patiently in the pantry. 

Last week, I planned to make a pot of chili on the weekend, and David reminded me to soak some of the homegrowns. (At least I think that’s what he meant by “go soak yourself”). After doing a quick internet search about dried bean procedure (red kidney beans, unlike many other beans  are toxic when raw, so prep is important) I put a bunch of my precious homegrown red kidney beans in water and set them aside.

Now, had I paid attention to what I researched, I would have:

1. measured the beans and bean-to-water ratio
2. checked how long they should soak
3. read beyond the soaking and into the cooking

But, armed with my inferior knowledge, things went a little less than optimal:

1. I got around to draining & rinsing two days later, which affects nutrition, flavor, texture and color
2. David had to add more water when he saw the mass swelled to the top of the container, gasping for liquid
3. I did not cook the beans first before adding them to my chili recipe

So far, doesn’t sound too bad, right? I mean, they're just beans after all. It’s just a pot of chili for the two of us that no one else has to know about; not like Martha’s coming over. Unfortunately, my chili recipe calls for several types of canned beans to be added, and canned beans are already cooked. So, [wait for it, let me reach the punchline] when I tested the chili after three hours of cooking on high in the slow cooker, my precious homegrown red kidney beans were ROCK HARD!  CRAP! Crap, crap, crap!

After a brief freak-out, the solution became clear: We couldn’t eat it safely; I couldn’t just let it cook all night because everything else would turn to total mush; and I couldn’t bear to throw any or all of it away. So I started a pot of water on the stove, and began picking my precious homegrown red kidney beans ONE AT A TIME out of the chili.

Now, some of you may also have had the opportunity to fish for precious homegrown red kidney beans in a pot of thousands of other beans covered by simmering tomato and meat sauce; if so, you know how much fun I had with my slotted spoon and food tweezers. 

30 minutes later, I boiled the salvaged beans for 20 minutes, then added them back into the chili, and all is well. I think so, anyway, because we didn’t eat it that night since I couldn’t bear to look at or think about chili for awhile. David did a taste test when putting it away, and said “they” were still a little firm but okay. So, a few days marinating in fridge might do them some good.

Is it any surprise I'm not the head chef around here anymore? Oh well, for any future employers reading this: I admit my mistakes and I'll go to great lengths to correct (and eat) them.